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Stuff We Like

I am loving a new blog a friend called my attention to a couple of days ago:  It’s called “Stuff Christians Like” and it puts a Christian spin on the wildly popular “Stuff White People Like” blog.  The writer is a witty and insightful advertising copywriter and son of a preacher man from Atlanta. 

He says: This site is going to be a tongue in cheek exploration of all the silly things Christians like. From Carmen to books about the rapture to crowns of thorns you can buy for $49.99 at the local Christian bookstore. It will be sarcastic, mildly funny and if some of these things hit too close to home, perhaps a little offensive. But I’d rather be honest about my faith and it’s quirks than pretend I’m cool.

Here are a couple of samples, but you should seriously check it out…

#24. Church names that sound like clothing stores.

My cousin goes to church at a place called “Warehouse 242.” There’s another church in his area that recently started called, “Elevation.” Across town from my dad’s church is a place simply called “The Summit.” I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point we started naming our churches after stores that sell designer jeans. And I’m cool with that. I don’t think you have to name something the “Back to the Bible Holiness Church” which is outside of Atlanta in case you want to attend. And more than that, it opens up some good conversations with people. Imagine you’re at work on Monday and someone says, “What’d you do this weekend?” You can reply “I hung out at Elevation.” Your friend will then say, “Is that the new salsa/techno/hip hop/Southern Cambodian traditional dance club? I’ve heard the girls in that place are ridiculous.” At which point you can then say, “No, it’s a church” and then proceed to share the entire gospel with him. OK, maybe you shouldn’t do that, but at the bare minimum, saying you went to “Elevation” is going to at least keep the conversation rolling where if you said, “I went to ‘God is Awesome, Praise Sweet Baby Jesus Cathedral’ over the weekend,” your friend is going to throw an imaginary smoke bomb and climb out of a window to get out of the conversation. So maybe interesting names are a good thing.

#108. Not knowing how to hold hands.

Every now and then, a minister will feel inspired to have everyone in the crowd hold hands. Which of course is awesome. But all too often, I find that Christians violate the three simple rules of hand holding. So as a service to the greater Christian population, I’m like the Billy Graham of sarcasm, I thought I would quickly review the three things you should never do when holding hands with strangers:

1. Interlink your fingers.  This is way, way, way too intimate to do if you don’t know me and happened to be married to me. But some people do it. Instead of doing the “hey pal I know we’re holding hands which is weird but oh well” palm in palm grip, they weave their sweaty fingers between yours. As soon as someone does that to me, the 13-year old in me automatically thinks, “this person is trying to make out with me.” Don’t do this ever.

2. The “you’re great squeeze.”  For some reason lots of Christians feel the need to punctuate a good hand hold with a tiny gesture. They want closure. But please, avoid the temptation to end the hand holding session with a “Jesus loves you” squeeze. It’s nowhere near as intimate as interlinking, but it still feels a little creepy coming from a man in his mid-50s that up to 30 seconds ago I had never seen in my entire life.

3. The linger… When it becomes clear that the hand holding is over, I expect you to let go of my hand like a bank robber fleeing the scene of the crime. Seriously, let’s not be the last people pressed together with our hands awkwardly connected. Think of letting go as a race. I want us to win. I want you and I to set new land speed record in letting go. Come on, we can do it. Eye of the tiger. Eye of the freaking tiger.

Those are not the only hand holding techniques or rules if you will, just mine.

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